Road to Self-Acceptance
Self-acceptance is a must in regaining control over your life from your survival instinct, or your ego. But it doesn’t come at a snap of a finger. I struggled with this for years! Deep down, I didn’t think I deserved self-acceptance. I would talk about the need for self-acceptance as if I understood it, but I still judged myself relentlessly. My need for perfection and a constant push to be a better person impacted my relationships negatively. Part of me knew that the relentless demand for improvement was a sure sign that I hadn’t achieved self-acceptance, and I hated myself even more for it.
Thankfully, I am finally at a place where I can say “It’s OK.” to myself in nearly all situations. I still have high expectations of myself, but I don’t kick myself if I don’t meet it. My sense of self-esteem is less dependent on other people’s opinions. So how did I finally get here from where I was?
Accepting The Absolute Worst
On the day I finally accepted myself, I was journaling as usual. When journaling, I usually let myself whine and berate myself for awhile before trying to see things from a different perspective. That day, I was just so steeped in strong self-hatred, I even wrote, “Just go kill yourself already.” Eventually, though, I attempted to steer myself into a more positive mindset. At that point in my life, the perfectionist in me needed to tie things up in a neat little bow, even a journal entry.
But my head absolutely refused! “Nope. I’m not done. I want to wallow and put myself down,” I wrote. “I don’t want self-growth anymore. It’s too demanding. It’s too difficult. It’s too terrifying.” After going on some more about how I don’t deserve happiness or love, a part of me finally just said, “OK.” I gave myself permission to be a terrible person. I allowed myself to be a bad parent. “Be as terrible as you want to be,” I told myself.
And a certain revelation dawned on me. Even if I do something far worse, even if I become the worst person on Earth, my heart is not going to suddenly stop beating. My lungs will still keep inhaling. My brain will keep sending out signals. Every part of my body will continue functioning the way it’s supposed to. There are already parts of me that loves me so unconditionally that they will always give me a chance to redeem myself. Even when I’m at my worst, they still believe that I’m worthy of life. I finally understood that a majority of me already accepted me for who I am. I just needed my inner dialogue to follow suit.
Be OK to Be Not OK
Now, because we are a product of our unique experiences, this revelation might not do anything for you. We have to experience certain things at the right time, in the right place, and in the right order for important messages to sink in. This may not have been your time yet. If this is true for you, it might be disappointing that once again, self-acceptance has evaded you. I understand your frustration. I’ve been there. Truth be told, I had nearly an identical revelation when I was around 20 years-old. At that point, the lesson didn’t stick. After only a few days, I went back to being my worst critic. It took another 20 years of various experiences for me to truly understand, but I do accept myself as I am now. You can get there too.
The most important thing you can do for yourself now is to give yourself permission to take your time. It’s OK if you feel disappointed. It’s OK that you feel frustrated. Accept that you can’t accept yourself yet. Your time will come. You will have your ah-ha moment.
Every person reading this has a heart beating within you. Even if your heart isn’t functioning too well right now, it and the other parts of your body are still trying their hardest to keep you alive. We all have our own cheering squad on our side. Just trust them and give an OK to every thing, every emotion, every situation in your life.
Art Therapy Suggestions
This is a coloring page I created while I was working on my own self-acceptance, titled “You Are a Rose Thorn and All.” If you would like to incorporate it as a part of soul healing, you can find it in my Etsy store. You can also purchase custom printed products with 2 different color variations of this image at Society6 and TeePublic stores. It may be helpful to have visual reminders around you when you are feeling down.