May We See Our Family Members in a Different Light
Once reiki becomes a way of life and you become kinder to yourself, how you relate to other people, especially family members, will most likely change too. You realize that every person you meet is your mirror and a teacher, helping you understand who you are. They come into your life to help you grow, and you are here to do exactly the same for others.
Why Your Relationship with Your Family is Complicated
Out of all the people in the world, your family members are probably the most important teachers. Most relationship problems occur because of a mismatch in the people’s values. You have a certain idea about what a mother or a father is supposed to be like, and when they don’t meet your expectations, you end up feeling hurt. Family dynamics has the potential to be extremely complicated if you have high expectations for them. Because children develop by mimicking the adults around them, family members can also end up with similar strengths and weaknesses. This may lead to contentious relationships if both sides turn a blind eye to their own faults. We can pass this on for generations if we don’t choose to consciously stop it.
It’s a pretty common to have a complicated relationship with your family, and I was no exception. For a huge part of my life, I didn’t take responsibility for my own happiness. I expected others, especially my mother, to swoop in and make me happy. At the same time, I also felt responsible for her happiness, so I would try my hardest to please her. If she wasn’t happy, I felt like a failure. When I wasn’t happy, she felt like a failure. When my own children arrived, I did the same with them. Moms and their children tend to orbit around each other, swinging wildly in dizzying circles. Why? Maybe it’s because we watch our mothers put other people’s happiness first and neglect her own.
Seeing Your Family Members In A New Light
Now that I see the world differently, thanks to reiki, I strive for the opposite. I know that I am responsible for my own happiness, and that I don’t have the right to force someone else to be happy. I might offer suggestions to my kids, but the final decision is up to them. If a relationship issue arises, I ask myself, “What are they trying to teach me? What am I supposed to learn?” The focus is on my own personal growth. I always remind myself that the way I judge others is not an accurate depiction of the person, but a reflection of my own inner dialogue.
It might sound distant and cold at first, but it’s important to view each of your family members as individuals, separate from yourself. You might need to use the words “my family” to clarify yourself in conversations, but they are not yours to possess. You don’t own them and they don’t own you. More importantly, you don’t owe them and they don’t owe you. This “distance” removes the sense of obligation and the pressure to keep your family happy. You are more patient because you don’t feel like you have to control every little situation immediately. When you do help your family members, it’s because you want to. And if they don’t follow your advice, that’s OK because you know that there are many different ways to solve a problem. You trust that your loved one will eventually get there.
Studying reiki made my love for my family shift from a possessive one to an unconditional one. And I’ve seen others improve their relationships with their families, too. I hope you take the dive and find a new way to relate to your family members!