A Month of Mays : May We Accept Our Dark Sides

Posted On May 1, 2022

Several years ago, touched off by the song, Have It All by Jason Mraz, I started doing a series of instagram posts called A Month of Mays. In the beginning, I strictly followed the lyrics of the song. The year after that, they were mostly positive affirmations that I hoped would raise your spirits and your self esteem. Really, it was what I desperately needed for myself at the time.

But as I began learning to see myself in a more positive light and accepting myself more and more, I saw the need to delve further into our negative side, the dark side, the parts of yourself that you don’t want to see. Because in order to truly love yourself, you have to acknowledge your imperfections and be OK that you have them. And I think, this year, I’ve grown enough to really dig deep. To turn up all the ugly parts and examine them with curiosity.

A Fair Warning Before We Begin A Month of Mays

The thing is, I don’t think it’s for everyone. It’s paradoxical, but you need a certain amount of self-acceptance in order to look at yourself critically. If your self-esteem is very low, and you are already hyper-critical of yourself, looking at all of your faults lined up in a row is going to make you feel far worse. I was definitely there before, and acknowledging just one flaw floored me each time. Back then, I had a strong desire to learn to love myself unconditionally, but I had no idea how to do it. I didn’t even know if it was possible.

If you feel like this currently, I would work on saying “But that’s OK” to everything first. For example, when your mind starts saying “Oh my God! I can’t believe you did that!! You are so stupid. You’ve scarred your children for the rest of their lives!!”, you can counter it by saying “But that’s OK. Maybe it was a lesson we all needed to learn. The kids need to see that their parents aren’t perfect and that we can still fix the issue. What’s important now is to show them how to take responsibility for your actions and make amends. …And no, one mistake doesn’t make you stupid.” When that becomes routine, then you might feel compelled to reevaluate your “dark” side for your own growth.

Why Acknowledge Our Dark Side Anyway?

The reason why I think it’s important is because whether or not you are aware of your “bad” side, we all still have them. And we can do a lot of damage when we are unaware. By recognizing our own capacity for bad behavior, we can keep and eye on it. We may still do some damage on a bad day, but we can take responsibility and make amends when we are not in denial. Also, by knowing that you have some unsavory traits yourself makes it far easier to forgive those who demonstrate these traits and accept them as a fellow human being.

I’ve already began the process with my previous post about the book, Maus, but I’d like to explore many more traits that are traditionally considered “bad” by society. It’s an attempt to finally end the war going on inside myself. If you feel up to it, I hope you’ll join me in this dive into the deep end during this year’s Month of Mays.