May We Stop Clinging to Our Expectations About Others
In my previous post about how reiki affects the way you view your family, I mentioned that most relationship problems occur because of a mismatch in people’s values. Family members get frustrated with one another because they fail to meet each other’s expectations. Not only is this true for family members, but also for friends, neighbors, and complete strangers. If we learn to let go of expectations, the world can be a much more pleasant place to live.
Let’s First Notice Just How Much We Expect from Others
First thing first, let’s become aware of how often we allow our expectations to influence our view of other people. We have our own ideas about what a good parent should do, how a good friend should act, what a decent citizen should be like. Not a single person in this world will have the same exact ideals as you, yet we often don’t handle it well if someone doesn’t meet our expectations. I’ve blamed my parents for things they had no control over. I’ve lost friends because I chose not to take sides. I’ve gotten yelled at by another driver for actually following the driving laws. We’ve all been bewildered by other people’s actions, and we’ve all bewildered others with the choices we’ve made.
Things like discrimination and racism also occurs because we’ve learned to expect someone with a certain look to behave in a certain way. Our brains tend to categorize others into groups so that we can be on alert and make quick decisions when the need arises. That, in itself is not a bad thing. But this natural inclination to look for patterns can lead to confirmation bias. If you have one bad experience with someone that looks a certain way, your brain will automatically look for similar incidents. It’s not pleasant to think about, but we all need to be aware of our own capacity for bias. We have to learn to catch ourselves. It’s important to always assess if your expectations are reasonable.
Meeting the Expectations of Others
Also, let’s not forget the other half of the equation when it comes to relationship issues. Part of the stress can stem from you feeling like you need to meet others’ expectations. These expectations can be both real and imagined. Sometimes, your boss might actually expect more than you can deliver. But at other times, you might be assuming what your boss wants, and stressing yourself out unnecessarily. If you are letting your own high expectations run you down, it’s time to let them go! And if they are actual expectations, you still have the right to assess if they are reasonable as well.
Expect the Unexpected
I hope you can see now, just how much we allow our expectations to cause problems in our lives. It may not be possible for us to stop having expectations all together, but we can learn to say, “Well, that’s just my opinion, and it’s not necessarily true for someone else.” We can stop expecting others to meet our expectations while giving ourselves slack when we don’t meet theirs. Remember, reiki is about increasing your sense of inner peace. Releasing yourself from unreasonable expectations will have a positive effect on not just you, but the people around you too.