A Month of Mays: May We Recognize Our Capacity for Violence
If we’re discussing the topic of bullying, there’s another very important factor that we need to acknowledge, and that’s our capacity for violence. It’s a trait that we don’t like to admit that we have, especially to ourselves. That’s why I think it’s so important to take a deeper look even though I did cover it in my post about the book Maus. We must acknowledge and understand our brutal side, so that we can keep it in line when it rises to the surface.
We Are All Capable of Violence
First and foremost, let’s admit that we we all have a tendency to be violent, since it’s a part of our survival instinct. If you’ve raised young kids, you’ve most likely had to teach your kids not to hit anyone. Babies have no qualms about hitting. Hey, they do plenty of punching even inside the womb! I’ve watched my then-toddler kids destroy things with pure joy in their eyes. When they didn’t have the words to express their frustration, the hand often spoke for them instead. And I’m no different than them. I distinctly remember slapping a boy in the face and getting slapped right back in elementary school.
As we grow up, we slowly learn to control our violent streak, but it doesn’t go away completely. It’s easy to see this when we look at the popularity of violent video games and movies. Thanks to our survival instincts, we feel satisfaction from having power, especially when we know we can’t get hurt in return. Power makes us feel like we have a better chance at survival.
But when we find ourselves in the opposite situation, we grasp for power in order to feel safe. Our survival instincts don’t like being the weak one. Our violent side is much more likely to rear its head when we are anxious, stressed out, and overwhelmed. And the more fearful and stressed a person is, more violently they lash out. That’s why I think it’s so important to first acknowledge our capacity for brutality, and then acquire as many stress-reduction methods as we can within our arsenal. Ultimately, each of us are responsible for maintaining our mood. By keeping anxiety at bay, we have a higher chance of keeping our violent streak at bay too.
How Regular People Become Violent
When I hear about parents physically abusing children, my heart aches for the children, but I also think about the mental and physical pressure the parents might be under. One of the most stressful times in our lives is when we becomes a parent. Pregnancy and birth takes a huge physical toll on the mother’s body, leading to emotional and financial instability even before the birth. Then comes the sleepless nights, unexplained crying, and increased financial burden. It’s hard even for the well-prepared, well-supported family. If the parents already had other challenges before pregnancy, this could spell disaster. That’s why I think we, as a society, should be spending more resources on programs that support young parents. Taking away children after the abuse has already happened isn’t going to prevent abuse.
I am in no way condoning child-abuse or other violent crimes. But I do feel that as long as we continue acting like only “bad” people are capable of violence, we will never get to the prevention stage. The shortest route towards less violence, I feel, is self-awareness and stress management. Caring for others start with self-care. When we know how to take care of ourselves, we become capable of helping others without expecting anything in return.